May 24, 2010 - Newsletter #1

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Pinkladeriz
Children and the Obsessive Mothers That Love Them
They are all around us and you see them everyday. They may be driving in front of you in their Minivan, adorned with those stupid family character decals or with the even more lame "Baby on Board" sign on their rear window. These are the same people who gather every Saturday to cheer on their kids' soccer/baseball/pee-wee football teams even though their kid can't play worth a shit. They are the obsessed parents of the new millennium.... and they NEED to be stopped.

Nothing seems to irk me more as of late (except maybe people nagging my husband and I to procreate) than hearing people droning on and on about their kids. Seriously, nobody gives a shit if your kid, "did a nice poopy" that day...even if they have their own kids..period. Take my boss for an example. Not a day goes by that she doesn't share some ridiculous thing that her kid did the day before. Like wow, is it really that amazing that the kid put on all of your make-up when you weren't looking? NO. That just makes you look like an un-attentive parent, jackass. Even worse, she and another co-worker of mine will literally sit around just talking about their kids to each other. I can't even imagine that if I had a kid that I would still give a shit about someone else's kid. It's just not gonna happen.

Now don't get me wrong. If the kid was curing cancer, or doing a stunning rendition of Bad Romance by Lady Gaga, I would be impressed. But, no, sorry, hearing that your son stuck a marble up his nose will neither impress or entertain me. I just simply don't care. Maybe the kid-rearing snobs who claim that I cannot possibly understand what it is like to have a kid are right. Maybe I do not understand what it is like to annoy, bore, embarrass, and unnerve people with my creepy stories and/or complaints about my kid. But, ya know what? I think I can live with that.

Hlok
Cell Phone Use While Driving
I am glad they have made a law disallowing cell phone use while driving. Not that I believe that using a cell phone while driving would effect your ability to drive in any way, but instead, because I have witnessed numerous people who are so incompetent that they simply could not handle talking and driving at the same time. I have been stuck waiting at a green light for over 30 seconds simply because the person in front of me could not pay enough attention to the street light while on their cell phone. Or the many times I have almost been run off the road on the highway by some moron on a cell phone. It is simply amazing how pathetic some people can be that the act of talking at the same time as driving can cause them to lose all of their motor skills.

TheDevilsAdvocate
Hypocritical Slut
I was at the store yesterday and seen a magazine cover that infuriated me. Let me state upfront that I didn’t read the article. This is purely based off of the information on the cover. This stupid whorebag named Kendra (I don’t know her last name) who used to be one of eighty-plus year old Hugh Hefner’s PAID “girlfriends” was suing to stop an ex-boyfriend from releasing a sex tape of himself with her (hopefully not Hefner, ewwww). This on its own would be a reasonable action to take, but it was her hypocrisy and sanctimonious attitude towards the situation that pissed me off.
The statement said that this cum-guzzling troll was “protecting” her family, and of course it was coupled with a sweet little picture that tried to portray her as the nice wholesome family woman. First of all, her meat-head husband knows what she is, and must have married her to be a “trophy wife” because she is as dumb as a brick, so it can’t be him that she is trying to protect. She can try to claim it’s the child they had together but lets be honest, the damage is done there too. Imagine the pride on this young kids face when it grows up and finds out that’s it male friends are jacking it to its stupid, slutty, basically prostitute of a mother. I don’t think it will have any delusions of its mother being a virtuous woman, so why not let the tape go out? Who cares at this point? Anybody who wants to, can buy her sloppy jizzed-up ass for two dollars at any magazine stand. I can only assume her main complaint about this is that she may not profit from being a dumb whore for once in her life.
This human jizz-bucket not only sold herself to an eighty year old man, but also to the world, when she was paid to be naked in playboy. The only reason she has had any level of success (if you can call it that, but she is wealthy, and famous) is precisely because she sold her body like a street hooker. And now she wants to come off as some self-righteous soccer mom next door? Who is she to try and distance herself now from porn, and claim to be above it, once she had her fill of it. What could possibly be on this video that would make people think any less of her at this point? What is she with two dudes, three horses, with a piranha munching on what is probably in her case a leathery raw-hide clit? I bet that worn-out, torn-up swamp hole smells like week-old menstruation and tobacco juice.
If she was the wholesome woman this magazine cover tried to make of her, or if she had any intelligence, or modesty she wouldn’t be in this situation. So I hope the guy makes a killing on the video, after all it is his. she willingly made the video, and left it with him. What he does with his property is his decision, not hers. You can’t just give someone a fucking television for Christmas and then tell them what channels they can watch, why should this be any different?